An advice column where Chicagoans can ask questions about how to navigate life transitions, relationships, family, finance, and more.
Dear Ismail,
What's the best advice you can give for dealing with an in-law one loves but who only gets their news and worldview from Fox News?
—Lakeview's political class
Dear political class,
Thank you for writing about this topic. I support getting people out of our lives whose views conflict with everything we stand for. I've done this before, and it felt good. But sometimes the world is just bigger than us, and in order to maintain peace with those we love, we have to face the things that make us uncomfortable and do our best to resolve them.
I was in the same boat when my best friend started dating someone who had different political views. Then they bought a house together. Then they were engaged. By that moment, our group of friends had realized the harsh truth: “This guy really makes her happy.”
We didn't deny it. Instead, we supported and celebrated their union, from watching her wear her wedding dresses to standing behind her as she said her vows. This wedding day was proof to all of us that this kind of relationship — not just between them, but with the bride's diverse inner circle — can work.
A MAGA ranch full of Mexicans
They were married (on January 7) on a ranch in Texas, where there were huge homes all over the land.
The house where the wedding was held had an entertainment room with a painting of Donald Trump enjoying a game of cards with previous Republican presidents. The house where the bride was staying had family photos on the walls of the property owners wearing MAGA guns, hats and flags.
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We were not uncomfortable. We can't help but laugh about it, people make politics their entire personality.
But the actual ceremony? The majority were Mexican Americans. He showed me walking down the aisle as a bridesmaid. My other gay friend was the one who married our friend, a Republican.
It was a beautiful display of people with different viewpoints coming together to celebrate the union of people who love each other.
Find a common topic
Outside of big celebrations like this, we usually don't talk about politics, discuss current events, or put our beliefs at the forefront.
When big political events happen, like the attempted assassination of Trump over the summer, the group chat definitely asked my friend how her husband was doing and what his perspective was on the whole situation.
But when it's just another random Tuesday night and they come over, I recommend finding commonalities to bond over that keep everyone away from the elephant in the room. You already have a good subject to start with: your brother.
Your brother, like my best friend, was the glue that held people with different viewpoints together. If you both care about your sibling enough to share the table with someone you don't always get along with, there's hope it can work out.
Find something your siblings like or don't like, and share your opinions about it. Step away from that and talk about family or talk about movies or pop culture news.
I know it's not easy. Some will point out that how others vote affects a person's lifestyle and future. I agree with that. But this is the reality. We will have to live and work with people who have opposing views and ideas.
When it's just knowing and it's easy to cut the cord, I say go for it. But when it comes to someone permanent, we have to find a way to make it work.
I would rather stand by my loved one and try to make the relationship flourish than find reasons to isolate ourselves further.
Write to someone in Chicago at someoneinchicago@suntimes.com.
